Most everyone I know, both in my community and at work, is straight. They are not against same-sex marriage, but they are not all that comfortable with it, either.

An example is a friend who is retired from more than 25 years of service in the U.S. military. He is married, has 3 kids, wife, and so forth. As straight as they come. But he is not narrow in his thinking.

He invited a group of us, including me, to a holiday open house. These were his words:

Holiday open house. Spouses/little ones welcome. Stay as long as you want or just drop by to say “hi”.

When I RSVP’d, I thanked him for inviting my spouse as well as for choosing that word, specifically. He replied, “well, you gave me that word. You always refer to your spouse using that term instead of the word husband. I have to tell you, I feel uncomfortable using the word husband for a guy’s marital partner and even more uncomfortable using the word wife for a woman’s marital partner.” (My friend has always told me exactly how he feels.)

This is a demonstration of the give-and-take and ongoing learning among gay and straight people as they adjust to same-sex marriage being legal and more prevalent in the United States.

Frankly, I have not liked the word “husband” myself. Perhaps my straight-leanings made me equally as uncomfortable with it? I dunno… I just know that I am much more comfortable with the word spouse to refer to the best half of my marriage.

I wish my spouse would come to these social events with me and demonstrate that two guys can be a “normal couple” as a male-female couple are. However, my spouse hates socializing, especially with people he does not know. As usual, he will remain at home.

Well, anyway, if your world is involved in working with and socializing primarily with straight people, and you are married to someone of the same sex as yourself, consider public references to your spouse — not husband or wife. That may make people feel more comfortable, or as my friend said, “less weird.”

Life is short: learn to adjust.