My spouse and I are often invited to various parties, events, and activities. People in general enjoy socializing. I like it too. My spouse, however, does not.

For years now the “we” part of “me” will not attend social events. I should be accustomed to it, but it still is difficult to politely but routinely turn down invitation after invitation. Yep, as a gay couple, my spouse and I do not meet any form of expectations for socializing.

Examples–

A professional colleague (who I enjoy a close friendship with) from the U.S. West Coast will be coming to Washington, DC, next week and will bring his wife with him. He invited me to meet him for dinner and out of courtesy, asked me to invite my spouse. Then my boss was invited to join us, and saw that it may be a more social occasion (rather than business meeting) and asked if his wife should come, and if I were bringing my spouse.

Sure, bring the spouses… but mine will not come. Once more, I’m the oddball out.

My employer is having its annual summer picnic. “Bring your spouse!” was the strong suggestion. The event, though, will be held at an amusement park. No way my spouse would enjoy that with the noise, crowds, and … noise. I ended up declining the invitation all together, as I have something else going on that day that I do not want to miss and cannot be rescheduled.

Next-door neighbor had a casual cookout for the neighbors. “We” were invited, but the spouse stayed home. “Where’s [your spouse]?” I can’t lie or make up an excuse that wasn’t true. I just said that he didn’t want to come. My neighbors were disappointed, but this isn’t the first time my spouse has refused to attend a neighborhood social function.

Would I prefer that my spouse be more social? Of course. Do I expect him to change? No, I don’t. He hates socializing and always has. Perhaps I enable his antisocial behavior by not trying to acclimate him to social activities — but I have tried in the past on many occasions, and I have learned that it is not worth fighting over. He just does not want to socialize, and there’s no way I will be able to change that.

So yeah, as a gay couple — or any couple for that matter — we do not meet social expectations and never will. Either I show up alone, or “we” RSVP with “our” regrets. Such is the life of living with World Recluse #1. But don’t get me wrong, I love him a LOT and that will not change. The only thing that has changed is my acceptance and accommodation of his antisocial behavior.

Life is short: love your spouse for all his quirks.