I was having a conversation with a friend of mine who expressed concern for wanting to support his son in sports programs, but my friend is much like me — we are not “sports enabled.” Or shall I say that we have talents, but our talents do not include the use of balls, clubs, bats, mitts, cleats, pads, or the like. How often I have felt like Charlie Brown when Lucy teases him (as shown.)

It is very hard for a “sports-challenged” guy like me to be around “jock Dads” when supporting a family member’s sports interests. For example, I like to show my nephews and nieces that I love them by showing up on occasion at one of their games, but there are times when fathers of other players have made me feel inadequate, uncomfortable, and unhappy. Some have behaved in ways as if they have not graduated from school. In many ways, feelings I had in grade school return — and those grade-school scars are hard to heal.

How does a non-sports guy help raise a son, or show support to a nephew, when he feels so inadequate in comparison with other fathers and uncles?

Here is a story from my past that explains a situation and how I dealt with it:

Back in 2005, I was between jobs and had time to help my sister by taking her son, my nephew, to his high school football practice which was scheduled almost every day for about 12 weeks. I would hang out in the stands and watch the practice with some fathers of other boys on the team. I learned rather quickly that these fathers were “jock Dads” who were trying to live out their fantasies through their sons — hoping their sons would achieve stardom as the great athlete that they never were.

I struggled with being perceived as weak or being “a fairy” because I didn’t care for football, didn’t understand it, and honestly, didn’t care enough to want to learn. These jock-Dads would try to draw me into conversation and ask me technical questions about football — trying to get me to question what my nephew’s team’s coach was doing. They also tried to talk to me about whatever recent NFL football games were on TV or our local team. I tell ya, I could give a stare of “who cares” really well.

I struggled and thought about it for weeks, then finally came to the realization that I was who I was and I wasn’t going to change for these jock Dads, so I began to say words to this effect (not exactly, but as close as I can remember): “I think the coach is doing a good job, and I’m not going to question his decisions. I think as a good adult (uncle in my case), I shouldn’t put my nephew in the position of having to decide who is right — me or the coach. I can support him best by just being here and doing what I can to help him learn and grow.”

These Dads didn’t accept that at first, but I remained steadfast and didn’t get engaged — even when taunted a few times — in those discussions. Sometimes I took a walk around the stadium or sat in my truck or other places to avoid them. I finally struck up the courage to return to the stands during every practice because I didn’t want those jock Dads to think they had “won” by making me run away. When I returned to regular daily hanging out with those Dads, I remember telling them that my twin brother was the jock and he got all the jock genes, and it’s his fault that I don’t know anything about football.

They laughed, and I laughed, and then I changed subjects. By the end of the season, some of them even began asking me questions about something I did know about — home remodeling.

To be a good Dad or Uncle while being “sports-challenged,” you probably already have shown your loved-one how much you care by being thoughtful, caring, considerate, hard-working, and engaging in activities at which you are good (in my case, home remodeling and motorcycling). You are there and he knows it. You are “the Dad” or “the Uncle” he needs and wants. That’s the best thing you can have. So don’t worry if you lack Alpha male characteristics. Kids are savvy enough to see through those shenanigans, and I think any kid would want a Dad who…

…shows those he loves how he loves them (because Life is Short!)