I sincerely appreciate that I have a small but loyal following on this blog. Recently, I received an email from a reader who said,

I hope that you will use your blog as an opportunity to write more about your life. I particularly benefit from hearing the philosophy of life that people have developed as they’ve grown up and become wiser — even in small doses like “I don’t know everything, but here are a few things I know for sure.”

Wow… great (rare) feedback. Thank you!

So this post is about “a few things I have learned” from this old fart’s perspective… more after the jump.

First and foremost, life is short. It is meant to be lived with love, kindness, and gratitude for those who have led the way. Parents, siblings, family, and later friends and elders who have provided caring advice, network connections, and guidance. Most important lesson: listen to the advice you get, and act on it.

Living a full life isn’t easy. I have endured bad times and calamities of misfortune in relationships and personal finances during my lifetime. Building a network on which one can rely is incredibly important to get through those tough times. Honestly, if it weren’t for my family, especially that big lug of a twin brother, and my Spouse, I would be fodder for the Funny Farm (aka Loony Bin). I hold myself together through the rich support I have by keeping close to my family, my marriage to the man who is my better half, and having very close friends I have known my entire life, or developed later in life, but feel like they’ve been with me forever.

I have also learned not to take myself so seriously. In my 20s when I became an emancipated adult, and expected to be treated as an equal by other adults. I was easily offended by perceived slights when I thought someone was patronizing or dismissive. I would act defensively and often (too often) claim status like “I have an earned doctorate; I’m not a kid!” … all the while, acting like one without really realizing it.

However, my network kept me on track. They would intervene when I was going off the rails. In other words, they would “knock me down a peg” when my ass needed kicking. I did not really realize until much later in life that their “intervention” and “ass-kicking” was a demonstration of love. They knew I “had it,” but I needed to reframe myself in ways that would generate support instead of dismissiveness.

I also learned that being connected with the community where I live is important to gain recognition in intangible but very meaningful ways. The recognition of being a contributor to society; being fair- and open-minded; being “real”; and most importantly, that I am genuinely interested in others. I learned how to really listen (and shut up!). I became recognized as “that guy who ‘knows his stuff’ and can be relied on to help.” Not “that gay guy who happens to know about this community’s wonky zoning laws,” but “that guy who listens and ensures we communicate and find a path toward agreement on moving forward for benefit of all.”

As I matured in my 30s and 40s, I realized and lived my life “less about me” and “more about you.” As much as I was confident in what I knew, I realized that I really did not know everything and there was much to learn yet.

I learned that when I demonstrated that I listened, then acted on concerns brought to my attention, that I felt better about myself, my community improved, and my career path was positive. I earned regular promotions with concomitant salary increases — all because I learned “be more about others than self.”

That approach of listening, rather than being the first (and only) one with an opinion (“my way or the highway”) is what got me elected to a non-partisan position as the youngest elected leader in my home county (a long time ago!) Also got me elected, willingly or not, to many other positions of community organizations, national positions (in professional associations) and other service activities over the years. Last count, I served as an officer on more than 25 positions for national or community organizations over the years.

Being a listener is what I think attracted me most to the guy I was privileged to marry. He is the world’s number ONE best listener. His skill to listen a LOT before uttering a word is one I try to emulate.

I realize this post is somewhat of a rambling hodge-podge of commentary. I’m sure I have learned a lot more, and I will share more of that in a more-focused manner in future posts.

In summary, I think what I have learned most over the years is that a network of support (family, Spouse, friends) is incredibly important to one’s life, if he listens.

Life is short: listening is a skill that pays off.