When I recently took a flight out west, I had an experience that perhaps changed perceptions, just maybe, of someone who expressed those old worn-out narrow-minded points of view about same-sex marriage. And it happened by observing two guys who just got married to each other and were “rather expressive” about it. Read on…

I was given an upgrade to first class for my flight from Baltimore to a hub airport since I have over 2 million miles with that airline. A nice perk when you can get it, which isn’t often.

I am seated at the window seat. Another man, about my age, takes the seat next to me. Then two guys, wearing designer jeans, polo shirts, and dorky penny loafers take the seats in the row across from us.

We take off and start the five hour trip west. The flight attendant comes through the aisle to take our drink orders. Orange juice for me, coffee for my seat mate, and the two guys across from us ask for champagne.

The flight attendant asks if they have something to celebrate. Then it starts…

“Yeah, you can say that! We just got married yesterday! We had the most fabulous wedding. We’re on our way to Hawaii for our honeymoon.” (I am not making any of this up.)

The (straight male) flight attendant smiled and said, “congratulations. I’ll be right back with your drinks.”

My seatmate and I continue to hear the newlyweds chatter about how great their wedding was, how much fun they had at the reception, and if Uncle Bill and Aunt Betty enjoyed dancing with their two lesbian friends. They laughed and regaled more stories from their recollection of their wedding day fun.

I could tell that my seatmate was growing uncomfortable. He kept shifting in his seat, inching closer to me and away from the aisle. He pretended to flip through the airline magazine, but obviously wasn’t really reading it.

The newlyweds ordered another glass of champagne with their breakfast. I took a pass on the breakfast because it was too fancy and “southwestern,” so it was not compatible with my restricted diet. I can’t eat that type of food.

I was reading a book, but couldn’t help but notice that my seatmate’s discomfort was increasing. I could see that he was looking around the cabin. He asked the flight attendant if, perhaps, another seat was available. The answer was no — the plane was full and every seat taken.

After the breakfast dishes were cleared and yet another refill of drinks was offered, my seatmate turned to me and said, “don’t these guys get on your nerves?”

Me: “well, sorta. But they’re happy and I guess they are much like any other newlywed couple.”

Seatmate: “I just don’t think it’s right. Two dudes marrying each other. Isn’t right.”

Me: “You know, to each his own. Law of the land now.”

Seatmate: “A marriage should be between one man and one woman — not two dudes or two girls. No.”

Me: “You know how controversial this is, and different people believe different things. However, to me, what it all comes down to is commitment and love. Not whether two people are opposite sex or same sex.”

Seatmate: “Don’t you think, though, that allowing gays to marry cheapens our marriages? What would your wife think?” (I could see him looking at the ring on my left ring finger, and could understand how he jumped to the conclusion that I had a “wife.”)

Instead of pouncing with a lecture then-and-there, I pondered for a moment, then said (something like) this (what I can recall from a heartfelt outpouring):

Me: “When I think of my marriage, I think our commitment to each other. Our deep and abiding love. How we have provided care for each other when each of us has been sick or injured. How I feel whole when we are together, and how much — even right now — I feel a huge emptiness when we are apart. I think of the life we have built, the support for one another, celebrations of each other’s successes, sadness when one has been stricken with grief, and our future as one — one couple on our life’s journey along the path we have created.”

But I wasn’t done. I continued.

Me: “I have thought long and hard about marriage and what it means. Besides the legal stuff, it represents outwardly the bond of love and commitment that we feel for each other each and every day. I wake each morning happy to know that I have married the person who means the world to me and who is truly my ‘best half’.” I can feel and see the same in return in the eyes of my spouse. To me, marriage is more than a certificate issued by the county and signed by an officiant. Marriage is honor, courage, respect, commitment, dedication… and a bond of pure love.”

Seatmate: “Wow… you ‘get it.’ That’s a remarkable statement about what marriage really is. How long have you been married?”

Me: “We have been together for over 22 years… but only married two years ago.”

Seatmate: “Were you in the service? Why did you wait so long to get married?”

Me: “No, I wasn’t in the service. But restrictive laws forbade us from marrying until 2013.”

… and stopped there. I wanted to see how quickly my seatmate would figure it out. Then I saw it dawn on him — literally — his facial expressions ran through the gamut of wonder, surprise, then incredulity.

Seatmate: “You married a dude, too?”

Me: “Yep.”

Now I was wondering how this guy would react now that he figured it out and I stated it verbally.

Seatmate: “I never thought… really… you just don’t act or look like … I dunno, for some reason, I always thought that two queers marrying were like those guys (pointing to the newlyweds)… you know, all frilly flaming. Not like you. And your description of marriage. That’s what I have believed a marriage really is.”

My seatmate grew quiet, and I could tell that he was thinking and internalizing his thoughts and feelings. I reopened my book and continued to read. Fortunately, the newlyweds settled down for a nap and were quiet.

A couple hours later when the flight attendant circulated through to offer snacks and more drinks, my seatmate turned to me and offered to buy me a drink.

Seatmate: “You know, you really gave me something to think about. Can I buy you a drink to thank you?”

Me: “Thanks, but I don’t drink alcohol. I’m just glad that maybe, just maybe, you have learned that marriage isn’t ‘cheapened’ when two men marry each other, but is built on love and commitment.”

Seatmate: “Yes, you’re right. But it’s still going to take a while for me to adjust to this new way of thinking. Thanks for that.”

Me: “You’re welcome.”

Life is short: educate one at a time.