I realized after turning down yet another kind off extended to my spouse and me how atypical a lifestyle we lead. And yes, I am talking about how we live our lives, not being gay. There is no such thing as a “gay lifestyle.” One is born gay or one isn’t.
No, I am talking about how we live and what we do, or don’t do, as the case may be.
Here are some examples.
Someone who reached out to me with questions about boots and I have had a number of pleasant exchanges where I answered questions for him about cowboy boots. He wanted to get a good pair of boots to wear while dancing. He is a dance instructor, and lives/works in a town in my home state.
In a recent email, to thank me for my time to patiently answer his questions, he extended a kind offer of a free dance lesson to my spouse and me. That was very nice of him.
I replied with my sincere thanks, and said,
I appreciate the offer of a free dance lesson for the spouse and me. Sorry, that won’t happen. My spouse is quite the recluse and hates social-anything. We never go out anywhere socially at all. Plus, he is partially disabled and can’t walk well, much less dance.
And for me — I am the ultimate quarantasinestrapede. Yep, I have 40 left feet. When everyone else goes “cha-cha-cha,” I go “boing-bounce-tumble.” Seriously, my exceptionally graceful and well-abled dancing siblings all tried to teach me, but each gave up, running out of the room. Suffice it to say, I’m not a dancer, won’t be, and am fine with that.
I know this type of response is quite atypical of most people, gay or straight. But it is what it is. Sorry, I hate dancing (myself… not for others.) This is why, among many reasons, I do not attend wedding receptions.
Next case… a neighbor saw me yesterday while I was on my front lawn and said,
I’d like to invite you and your partner to a get-together at our house on (date) at 7pm.
We plan to have Christmas Carols at 7:30pm, a modest gift exchange game (gifts must cost less than $15/-) at 8:00pm, and then celebrate the season for the rest of the evening. We will provide lots of food from our (Asian) heritage.
What a nice thought. I don’t really know this neighbor since he moved into the neighborhood less than a year ago, so it might be nice to have some casual time with him and his family.
However, I knew the mere thought of such an event would drive my husband over the cliff. He detests events with excited children running around. I, personally, love kids, but keep the frivolity of children restricted to the grandchildren of my siblings (my “greats”) in their home. Also, I probably cannot eat whatever food will be served, and it is difficult to be in places where hosts expect you to try their food, and then not eat any of it. (Regretfully, I cannot eat almost any Asian food, from Chinese anything to Japanese sushi to Thai. Doesn’t work with my chronic intestinal illness.)
I wanted to be honest and turn him down flat, but I didn’t have the heart to be brutal with a direct answer. He was really trying to be nice!
I also did not want to explain to someone who I don’t really know what my spouse has been going through and how the diseases he has had for such a long time have damaged his joints to the point that he cannot walk without a great deal of trouble. My spouse does not want the neighbors to see how bad his physical condition has deteriorated.
I just said, “thanks for the invitation. I’ll have to check with my husband and get back to you.”
Now I will have to think harder about how to turn down the invitation. I want to be honest and not lie, either. Sure, I could say, “we’re busy,” but we are not. Our typical lifestyle is to eat at home, stay home, and not go anywhere.
And that sums up what I meant by the subject line of this post. My spouse and I have quite the atypical lifestyle. We don’t go out socially; we do not dance; we do not eat Asian or many other types of foods that most people find interesting, tasty, and enjoyable.
Such is our life of quiet homebodies who each have severe diet restrictions.
Life is short: embrace your own lifestyle.