Someone asked me recently what I would be doing and where I would be living if I were single. I tell ya’ honestly, that question really threw me for a loop. I had thoughts of what direction I may have taken my life if I had not met the man I married more than 20 years ago.

Hmmmm… what I may have done if I did not meet my man back in 1993…

… I may have taken the job offer that I got in 1996 for a very well-paying position in San Francisco and moved.

… I may have accepted a job offer in Australia that I got in 1998.

… I may have gone into Academia and begun a research and teaching career in Italy, where I went to college for one year.

… I may have gone on long-term international assignment as suggested several times by my former employer. Many such “suggestions” were made under the auspices of “people who perform well on these 6-to-12 month assignments frequently get promoted.”

But I know myself well enough that…

… I would probably have taken some international assignments, but returned home to live. My boots are firmly planted in the soil of Maryland and it would take a lot to cause me to move away. This is my home. My family is here. Friends I have known my entire life are here. Unlike some of my siblings who moved away and have made great lives for themselves elsewhere, I would have much more trouble with that than they did. Nahhh… I probably would not have moved far from where I was born.

… I am a guy who was always close to elderly relatives. My Mom, as well as uncles and aunts, have always meant a great deal to me. As they aged, I got more involved with their lives helping out. My Mom died far too early. My uncle and aunt who I cared for well into their 90s meant the world to me. I could not move away from them. Providing for their needs is how I learned that I have a calling for caregiving. It is why now that I continue to extend caregiving attention to a legion of senior pals who I adore.

… I enjoy my profession, but work is a means to providing for basic needs of living — shelter, food, clothing (boots), but not the yuppie trappings of toys, prestige cars (or motorcycles), and stuff like that. I have a good job that pays well enough to sustain my basic needs. I have no desire for stuff to impress the neighbors. Who cares? More money for a more demanding, hard-charging job — no way. I have made choices in my life that may have limited my potential for earning power, but I feel good about the choices that I have made. Enough for comfort… not more.

Suffice it to say that if I were single as I was moving up in my career, I probably could have taken a job offer that required relocation. But being the “homebody” that I am, and that my spouse (then partner) was tied to the same geographic area, I chose to decline those offers and take jobs that may not have paid as well, but well “enough”. Honestly, those were not hard choices to make at all as the benefits of stability and familiarity were more important to me than a series of jobs requiring rather frequent moves.

I also do not think that I would remain single. If I didn’t find my spouse (then partner), I would probably have found someone else. I am someone who needs an intimate soulmate, life partner, best friend, and lover. I may have met someone half as great as my spouse and perhaps might have had a rocky relationship, heartbreak, and split. But I do not think so. I have worked hard, as has my spouse, to keep open the lines of communication, maintain honesty and integrity, and keep ourselves financially sound. I am that kind of guy. But I know that I’m not a guy who is comfortable being single (at my age and stage of life, in particular.)

Honestly, what stumped me with that question was … overall …

I don’t know how to be single. I don’t have any desire for the trappings of a high-paying, hard-charging, suit-wearing career. I love the life that my spouse and I have built, and wouldn’t change a thing.

Life is short: love the life you build.