Showing My Love

Sometimes I close this blog with, “show those you love how you love them.” I am a firm believer that actions speak louder than words. It is one thing to tell someone you love that you love them, but doing something for them in a caring, gentle manner is better. You don’t have to say, “I love you,” but your actions show it.

So today, I am letting my actions speak for me and speak to my spouse who remains ill with a relapse of his long-term infection.

We have the relapse under control with his doctor’s treatment plan to which the illness is responding (that is, by its symptoms being less — but not eliminated [yet]). The treatment has its own set of side effects, which are treated with diet and supplements recommended by his doctor. The rigorous schedule for when to take meds, supplements, and eating is difficult to manage. Fortunately, my spouse’s symptoms are not in the brain this time, so he is clear-headed enough to follow the treatment plan on his own (unlike last year when I had to manage it for him).

The treatment situation saps my spouse’s energy and sometimes makes him cranky and irritable. That is understandable. But sometimes his outbursts cause me to take a deep breath and say, “I love you.” Just that… I really do love him and know that he loves me too, even though his irritability does not always show it.

But because of the treatment schedule and fatigue it causes my spouse, there is no way that he could ride with me in a car to go to Pittsburgh, some five hours away by car, to fetch his mother. Since his Mom cannot drive and cannot manage air, rail, or bus travel, the only way she can join us at Christmas is for us to drive to her house, pick her up (and 20-gazillion suitcases) and bring her back.

So this year, I will make that long, lonely drive by myself. I leave very early this morning, and if all goes well and MIL is ready, I will turn right around and come back tonight.

This will be quite a surprise to my spouse. I told him that I had an “offsite” (a meeting for work) and would not return until late. I want to see his surprise when I return home with his mother.

Personally, I hate driving any distance in a cage, but there is a higher calling here. I just cannot imagine leaving my mother-in-law all alone at Christmas. She has been with us at Christmas for the past 12 years, since her husband died. She always looks forward to it. While I have had my challenges with her poor manners and bigoted attitudes, she is, after all, my spouse’s one and only mother.

But after all, there is good to come. My spouse will be relieved that his mother is happy and not alone, after all. And I have very very strong faith that my spouse will get better and return to good health. Why? I believe. (Let me leave it at that.)

By the way, I am not writing this to try to imply that I am better than you or anyone else. I just hope to inspire people to consider doing something for someone else. Even little things, like taking someone grocery shopping, fixing a broken door handle, installing new technology and explaining how to make it work — anything — show those you love how you love them by doing something! After all, isn’t this what Christmas and the season is all about? Have we forgotten?

Life is short: have faith, believe, and show those you love how you love them.

2 thoughts on “Showing My Love

  1. I just wanted to say Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and your spouse. I read your postings every day and I enjoy hearing about you and what goes on in your life. You inspire me every day. You are truly what a man should be as a person. Good luck to you and yours.

  2. BHD, Royce (above) already wrote what I would have written, except I’d like to add that you should not be too self-conscious about sharing with us the continuing travails you and your spouse are undergoing, particularly your continuing work with doctors in treating him. That medical attention is undoubtedly helping him – and that you already knew much of the regimen needed to help should insure he recovers more quickly. The treatment is preventing his condition from getting too far out of hand and becoming something worse. Your discussion of his condition should act as an encouragement to others to seek doctor’s advice sooner rather than later when something presents itself. Know that in this and every other battle, you have my best thoughts and deepest wishes for the fullest recovery possible.

    Merry Christmas, Happy Kwanza, Happy New Year and Winter’s Solstice and yes, even Festive Festivus(?).
    May this holiday season bring you all the best and may we all ‘keep the rubber side down’ (as a biker friend of mine likes to say) whether we ride a motorcycle or not.

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