Marriage Isn’t For You

A friend of mine posted a link to a blog post titled, “Marriage Isn’t For You.”

Judging an article by its title, I asked myself, “if marriage isn’t for you, then why marry?”

Then I read the article, and I got it. Io finalmente capii! Read on….

Marriage isn’t about me. Marriage is about how much I love and care for my spouse, my husband, my lover, my best friend, the man of my life.

As the article said,

You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. […] Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.

While during our 20 year committed relationship before we could legally marry, I thought more about my partner than myself, and observed how much he thought about me. I did things for him, and he did things for me. We took care of each other when we were sick or injured. We consoled each other when parents, family, and friends died. We mended our hearts and blended our souls. We supported each other through significant job changes and challenges, and financially, too.

I thought for all intents and purposes that we were married.

But now that we really are married, I get it. My marriage is all about him. Each day, I find new ways to show him how much I love him. Each day, he finds new ways to make me smile and be happy. Truly, our marriage is about the other man in our life — his health, happiness, comfort, security, and joy.

No, marriage is not for YOU — it is for the one you marry. Always, always remember how important your marital partner is.

I also liked the quote in the article that said,

[the] advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today’s “Walmart philosophy”, which is if it doesn’t make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one.

No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love–their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”

I see that every single day… my spouse shows me his love by giving of his heart, his mind, his comfort, and his snuggly embraces.

I strive to return the same to him… because marriage is all about him. My spouse. MY Man.

Today and always.

Short political aside: This is why same-sex marriage is so important and relevant — that marriage forms a bond beyond friendship; it breaks selfishness and ego; and it makes an incredible difference in a relationship.

Life is short: show those you love how you love them.

PS: The original “straight version” of this article is here. I urge you to read it.