Your Light, Your Love

Guest post by BHD’s partner

This is the first time I have written a post for your blog. I wanted to say in a public forum what I can’t put to words — how much your caring for me during the last year when I have been so sick means to me.

I know that I am not the easiest person to be around even when I am healthy. I know my disease makes me even more difficult. I’m sick, it hurts. I am angry at how long I have been sick, despite all the treatments with antibiotics and supplements that the specialists recommend. I know that I have placed quite a burden on you and our relationship.

As bad as things are, I still see you smiling at me for no reason. You give me that goofy grin or tell me a silly joke or make a pun, just to try to get me to laugh. I so need that, even if I react quite the opposite.

I see you go to great lengths to make me happy. You prepare yeast-free and gluten-free foods for me that you call rabbit food and dislike even the smell of it while you are cooking it. But you do it for me. You have more than adjusted your personal life to center on me and my needs, forgoing all else, including riding your motorcycle as much as you ordinarily would.

Your faith is a tremendous beacon on which I draw hope, when otherwise I have despair. I have not known anyone, including my parish priest, who has such deep faith. I can’t describe it. It’s there. You show it in how you act and what you do — not only for me, but for your family and your senior friends. You’ve said that your faith carries you forward. To me, your faith gives you steadiness in times of tempest. I am truly blessed to be loved by a such a faithful and devoted man.

Beyond faith, you are extremely patient. I know that I have tested your patience, probably every day. You listen to a lot of bullshit from my disease, and let a lot roll off your big, strong shoulders. I don’t know if I could muster 1/10 of the patience that you have. I know you said that you learned patience when caring for your aunt during her decline, but you have more skill and finesse in being patient among anyone I have every seen.

I think it is both your faith and your patience that have cemented our relationship, weathering the tremendous hurricane-force storm we have gone through since last November.

I can’t put into words how deeply I love you. How much I admire your rock-solid, steadfast support, and how superbly you have organized everything for me. You continue to fight my health insurance company’s denials (you are 8 for 8, amazing), taking on that behemoth, uncaring and thoughtless company as if it is a great game to fight and to win. You do that so well by how you document everything for easy future reference and referral.

But most of all, you make it seem as if it’s nothing at all. I know the opposite is true. Your focus on me and my recovery is so much appreciated. I know you have said, “it’s what I do, in sickness and in health,” quoting the line from a common wedding vow. Regardless if we can get married, you live every day as if we are, and show it through your actions.

I LYAWM, always, forever. Thank you is not enough, but will have to do.

3 thoughts on “Your Light, Your Love

  1. Awww, isn’t that sweet? My brother-in-law has you described to a tee. I’m so sorry that his disease continues to remain such a problem. I’m glad that he recognizes all you are doing to help him. Seeing your bond of love is a true testament to your devotion to each other. And what he says about your faith is absolutely spot on.

    I am honored to call you my brother,

    Ore e sempre,

    J

  2. Anyone who believes that same sex relationships cannot be as loving, strong, and enduring as heterosexual relationships, needs to read this! By giving us an honest look at your lives, showcasing the good as well as the bad, you show us what is possible and not a fairytale version of marriage. I am thankful that you have each other and pray that your illness soon comes to an end.

    –Kevin

  3. Kevin wrote what I would’ve if I’d been here first. So to his excellent words I only have to add that I wish you both the best of everything to come and you should know that my wish also comes with a fervent hope that a cure and/or remission is on the immediate horizon in your futures.

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