My Man is My Priority

The Light of My Life, my partner, my best friend, my soulmate, my everything, has been seriously ill for over a month now. On top of some sort of neurological problem which occurs at random and is severe when it happens, he has a really bad cold which has persisted for more than a week. Something is really wrong. He has never had something like a cold last more than a few days, and seldom even gets one.

My partner and I are worried, and are at a loss about what to do. He has seen so many specialists that if there were stock in “doctors” and we owned just one share, we would be rich. He has gone through so many tests that he is glowing in the dark. All the tests, so far, are “inconclusive.”

I never knew how much I would grow to be angry with the phrase, “sorry, we don’t know what it is.” Or the words, “Be relieved, it’s not…”. Damn, it’s not so many things, but what is it?

My partner goes through periods of being fair to being miserable. My heart is breaking because there is nothing I can do to relieve his suffering directly. Sure, I make him homemade chicken soup, and whatever other meals he prefers. At least his appetite remains good. I am picking up whatever needs to be done for tasks that he ordinarily has done — the least I can do.

I feel helpless … but I am not without help or hope. My brothers, sisters, nieces, nephews, and several of my senior pals have rallied round. Whatever I need, they’re there to help. I have to go to work, but my partner is not alone at home. Sometimes I just need to vent frustrations, and my family is there to listen. Man, my twin brother gets an earful almost every day, all the way in Italy. His listening skills are tremendously helpful.

My family and friends remind me that they have always admired my faith and optimism. Their support makes my faith deeper, my resolve stronger, my optimism brighter.

Yeah, I have deep faith, and am calling on my reserves of boundless optimism to help both of us get through this. I know that maintaining a positive attitude can make things better, or avoid making things worse. I know that when people dwell on negativity and fear, it only compounds problems and makes the ill person’s condition worse.

But do you know how hard it is to smile when your heart has a frown? Do you know how hard it is to keep the faith, when it is tested so severely? Do you know how *not* to react to fear?

Of all my years of caregiving for senior relatives and friends, I have learned how important it is to … keep the faith. Keep focused on the positive. Keep searching for results, treatments, and methods to ease suffering. Keep asking questions, keep pursuing treatments, and keep an open mind. Keep listening, maintain the dialogue — don’t shut down.

It will get better. It must. It will, because my faith directs my soul and my actions, and I believe. I truly believe… when one has faith and he steps up to take positive, proactive actions, problems will resolve and happiness will return.

A note to fans of my website and videos: please do not look for updates of the website or any new videos. Obviously, my mind is elsewhere and I do not have time to spend on my hobbies. Thanks for understanding.

Life is short: keep the faith, and show those you love that you love them, each and every moment of every day.

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About BHD

I am an average middle-aged biker who lives in the greater suburban sprawl of the Maryland suburbs north and west of Washington, DC, USA.

3 thoughts on “My Man is My Priority

  1. You know, brother, I learned how to listen from your partner. His skills in listening are far superior to anyone I know. I have always admired and have tried to emulate his listening skills, and if that is what I can do for you right now, you can depend on me to be your faithful ear.

    Believe me, just say the word, and I'll be there in a flash, as quickly as a jet plane can bring me back home and be by your side.

    I love you both, and continue to keep you and your partner close in my prayers and in my heart.


  2. I continue to keep you and your partner in my prayers. This is a tremendously hard time and I continue to be encouraged by your faith, love, and commitment as they comfort and care for your partner and sustain you as well. While many may abandon their faith over things that in comparison seem quite insignificant, you lean on it to provide you with strength and comfort.

    I'm saddened when I think of our lgbt brothers and sisters who have abandoned their faith due to the hurt they've experienced from those within their faith traditions. But, then I read your posts. And as I've been encouraged to strengthen my faith journey, I'm positive others have been as well.

    You continue to touch the lives of many of us in such a positive way and I hope knowing that helps to strengthen your reserves.


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