Breaking Ties

No… not those nooses for the neck, but ties to an organization in which I have been involved for 15 years.

I generally pride myself on being rather resilient. I have faced challenges head-on and found resolution to vexing issues. I have dealt with people who have different mannerisms and approaches to resolving situations than my own and have found amicable compromises.

However, I draw the line at…

…abuse. When someone sends an invective tirade of insults because he has a serious problem with anger management, it taxes the nerves and psyche. Such drama only sucks energy out of my soul and makes me very, very sad. It also causes some physical distress as well.

I have written lately about being all happy-peppy-positive, but not all things in my life are a sunny day. Rain falls at times and some things become dismal.

When the rain falls on my Spouse, I pull from my deep well of patience and resilience to find the energy to do whatever is necessary to help him. He does the same with me.

This past Thursday, rain fell on me — actually, more like softball-sized hail that really beat me up. Rather than continue to dwell on the drama, and say the kiddie phrase “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never break me,” I sadly decided to retract.

I shared the invective hailstorm message with the Spouse. When I arrived home, he reached out to me, held me, and just listened. He is the very best listener in the whole wide world. He knew how I would feel — both angry and deeply sad at the same time — and just listened. No lecture, no words of doubling-down with more anger. He listened.

Then when I said, “I am not as resilient as I seem to be,” he said, “no, you really are … you are my rock. But there is a difference between our marriage, and even your family, compared with this situation with a troubled soul.”

Spouse was right… he is always right.

So with a very heavy heart, I quit that organization in which I had invested 15 years and enjoyed. They had elected me as the Second Banana, but the First Banana killed any confidence that I had in our relationship by sending the third (and “last straw”) invective tirade in response to a recommendation that I made about being careful not to insult membership and threaten them with shaming. No professional, especially an organization’s leader, should ever do that (at least publicly!)

To preserve what’s left of my sanity, my soul, and my stamina to continue to help my Spouse deal with his serious medical situation, it was time to break ties.

You will notice that the top banner of this blog changed. (Perhaps you may need to refresh your browser.) The reason for that is that I am no longer involved with my motorcycle club. I will still ride my Harley and ride with family and friends. I just will not be involved with that club any more. Drama has been soul-sucking and it is just time to leave.

Life is short: focus the resilience where it is best to do so and have a healthy psyche.

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About BHD

I am an average middle-aged biker who lives in the greater suburban sprawl of the Maryland suburbs north and west of Washington, DC, USA.