It’s been six weeks since I had to let my husband go. The grief at times still is much like a punch in the gut.
I am managing it by trying to keep busy in service to my community.
I credit my husband again for…
…being the loner that he always was. Throughout our almost 28 years of being together, we never socialized with friends, went out to eat at restaurants, or went to parties. We did early-on in our relationship go to some leather bars. But my husband always stood away from others and just observed.
That behavior conditioned me for today. Unlike many others, I do not feel confined or that I am missing social interactions. I am pretty much happy being a homebody and cooking meals at home in the chef’s kitchen I designed when I built our house.
However, remaining at home, alone, is very very lonely. I don’t have the hubster to talk to, laugh with, care for, and snuggle with. I really really miss that most of all — his warm embrace and back scratches (along with other more intimate interactions of a married couple.)
I am keeping busy in several ways.
I am taking more training to advance my medic credentials. There are reasons for that which I cannot divulge on this platform. I hope to have the training completed by the end of March.
I continue to serve my community by being a “vaccinator” for our community’s response to the pandemic. Three shifts each week get me “out there” and make me feel good inside. My husband would be proud.
I am also serving in a volunteer capacity to assist my close friend who runs operations for medics in our county. I do that from home, on-line.
I have prepared and submitted our state and Federal tax returns. I have also prepared tax returns for ten of my senior pal friends, again on-line. I connect with my friends via the Zoom platform and can show my screen as I enter their information in the tax software I use.
I am also preparing for a future… without… my husband. Life goes on. He would want me to be busy and feel good about what I am doing. It remains hard.
Life is short: one boot step at a time.