{"id":1204,"date":"2011-06-23T04:00:00","date_gmt":"2011-06-23T08:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.bootedmanblog.com\/?p=1204"},"modified":"2011-06-23T04:00:00","modified_gmt":"2011-06-23T08:00:00","slug":"things-i-mumble-in-traffic","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.bootedmanblog.com\/?p=1204","title":{"rendered":"Things I Mumble in Traffic"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><span style=\"font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;\">Admit it&#8230; we all do it&#8230; we see someone pull an idiotic stunt while driving, and we make, uhhh, certain &#8220;utterances.&#8221;&nbsp; In my case, most of what I say is in Italian, and most of the time, it&#8217;s under my breath.&nbsp; That is, no one else can hear me, or if they can hear me, they cannot understand what I say.  I am not one of those kinds of people who yells and screams in traffic.  I usually give the other guy the right-of-way, even if he&#8217;s being a jerk or she is driving aggressively.  I am not nearly as important as many of the other drivers here in snoburbia.  I&#8217;ll get there eventually.<\/p>\n<p>So here are (in English) the most common phrases I mutter when I see a driver doing something stupid:<\/span><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;\">Hang up and drive!<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;\">The speed camera will trigger a ticket for people going 12 mph over the speed limit &#8212; not 12mph under!  Speed up at least to the posted speed limit, dumb-dumb!<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;\">Stop checking your email and drive!<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;\">No, idiot in the little black sports car, just because I am on a motorcycle doesn&#8217;t give you the right to blow past me in my lane! Go back to driving school.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;\">appenda e guidi!<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;\">oh yeah, that&#8217;s right. Turn signals were invented for the other guy to use. Silly me, wanting to know your intentions.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;\">Stop texting and drive!<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;\">Luxury minivan driver from the western part of our county, you really don&#8217;t need two mini DVD players, do you?  Really?<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;\">Hang up and drive!<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;\">Oh goody, thanks for cutting me off so I can test my Harley&#8217;s stoopid-driver-avoidance skills once again.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;\">Nope, your email is still not that important. Put down your toy and drive!<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;\">Which lane do you want?  My lane, your lane, or both?  Oh, both?  Why didn&#8217;t you say so!<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;\">appenda e guidi!<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;\">It&#8217;s right turn on red <u>after stop<\/u>, idiot &#8212; not &#8220;right turn after slowing down to 30mph.&#8221; Silly me, I forgot how important you are.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;\">Stop texting &#8212; drive!<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;\">Oh yeah, that&#8217;s right, Mr. &#8220;my expensive luxury car is better than your dirty old truck&#8221; &#8212; I sure hope some dirt from my truck didn&#8217;t sully your car&#8217;s expensive fresh-washed finish!<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;\">Hang up and drive!<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;\">Umm&#8230; umm&#8230; the light is green. Oh yeah, right, your email is much more important than actually driving. Excuse me for not understanding.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;\">I just love what you&#8217;ve done with the fingernail on the third finger of your left hand! Show me again, puhleeze?<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;\">Stop texting and drive!<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;\">There&#8217;s yet another idiot riding a motorcycle wearing a full-face helmet but also shorts and tennis shoes (insert alternatives&#8211;sneakers, flip-flops, sandals): way to go to earn points for your Darwin Award while simultaneously giving the rest of us bikers a bad name.  Bikers wear long pants and boots!<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;\">Juggling both a Blackberry and a cell phone? Really?<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;\">Your left turn in front of my Harley is always more important that my legal right-of-way riding on this road. Forgive my indiscretion, and look for my family&#8217;s wrongful death lawsuit when you kill me.<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li><span style=\"font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;\">No, ducking won&#8217;t avoid getting a ticket when you blow past a red light with a camera (you won&#8217;t believe how many people I see speed through the lights and duck while doing it! LOL!)<\/span><\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><span style=\"font-family: Verdana,sans-serif;\"><br \/>These are some of the things I say&#8230; I&#8217;m sure there are more.  Have you had any of these situations happen?  Life is lovely here in snoburbia &#8212; home of the most gadget-obsessed and thoughtless drivers around.<\/p>\n<p>Life is short:  drive responsibly, and watch for us motorcyclists!<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Admit it&#8230; we all do it&#8230; we see someone pull an idiotic stunt while driving, and we make, uhhh, certain &#8220;utterances.&#8221;&nbsp; In my case, most of what I say is in Italian, and most of the time, it&#8217;s under my &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/www.bootedmanblog.com\/?p=1204\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[7],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1204","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-motorcycle-ride"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bootedmanblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1204","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bootedmanblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bootedmanblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bootedmanblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bootedmanblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1204"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.bootedmanblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1204\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.bootedmanblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1204"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bootedmanblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1204"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.bootedmanblog.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1204"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}