Am I a “Sir?”

As I have taken some new photos during “leather weather” this Autumn, when I am in leather, I wear my Muir Cap, sometimes known as a “Master’s Cap.” There is a lot of lore and legacy in wearing that head covering.

One of the primary “old-school” Leatherman’s reasons for wearing such a cap is that he is a …

Dom (dominant) or Master or Top. (As for me — I need to cover my baldness and keep my head warm).

Whatever one may wish to call him, wearing a Muir Cap, especially with an eagle pin, carries significance in the gay Leathermen’s community.

We’ve all seen the photos, and there are tons of them, of the Leather Clan in their finest, with Alpha Males (doms, masters, tops) wearing a Muir Cap. It complements his complete gear and makes for a commanding presence.

Guys look good in their gear, especially those wearing a Muir Cap. (As we often say, “Woof!”)

Masters in the Leatherman’s community are frequently called “Sir.” Especially when they are involved in what I call roll play. Man gay men enjoy various roles — master/dom/top and sub/slave/boy. I get it.

Neither my husband or I played roles. Both of us were Tops. (Yes, Top Men can be equals and have fun in the bedroom without roll play.) That is how we were — and I am not judging those who enjoy roll play and being a Master to a sub. It is all healthy fun.

My husband and I had a co-equal relationship, and we honored it by remaining consistently monogamous. Some gay men have different relationships and multiple sex partners. That wasn’t us, but again, I don’t judge what others choose to do.

As for me — am I a Sir?

I raise this because on the Recon network or even in email, I have received messages that frequently bestow the title of respect on me, “Sir.”

As a mature man, I guess I have earned that. I do appreciate the respect of the title, but as I have said in my replies, I am a “retired leatherman.” I do not attend gatherings of the Leather Clan mostly because I am not ready for anything but a casual and friendly meet-up and still feel as if I am married. Plus, I am still reticent to be in crowds of people (thanks, Covid) and have never been a night-owl.

I also feel a little that being called “Sir” has two connotations that I do not like. Being in Management, I was called “sir” in my job by subordinates, and I don’t work there any more! Also, my Dad was a Sir, and I just don’t feel that I could ever be my Dad.

I have explained to those who have communicated with me, just call me by my first name. After all, I’m just a biker in the ‘burbs (who wears leather!)

Life is short: enjoy respect, but also be humble-who-you-are.