Shocking a Gay Guy

Someone I know is an event planner. He does a very good job. I have heard many compliments about the events that he has organized, set up, decorated, and managed. He is gay. So what…. However, he fulfills many gay stereotypes from the sound of his voice to his over-the-top party planning.

He and I know each other because his grandmother is one of the LOLITs who I take grocery shopping. He learned that I married my man, and sent me a message of congratulations. I thanked him, then didn’t think a thing about it until…

…he contacted me recently to offer me two tickets to a huge black tie event that he is organizing in Washington, DC. Hollywood celebrities and everyone on the DC’s “A-list” are supposed to be there. The event will be held on a weeknight. It doesn’t start until 7pm, with dinner at 8:30, and dancing after that.

He said, “You and (your spouse) will love it! You’ll get to get your tux out — dress-up affairs are such fun! Think of all the people you’ll meet! You will get to dance with some of the most interesting people!”

I was stunned. I didn’t know what to say. Obviously, this guy doesn’t know me. At all.

I was polite, and asked why he was offering us these tickets. He explained that he was offering them as a gesture of thanks for all I have done for his grandmother who he said always speaks highly of me.

I explained that I rise for work at 4am and can’t go out late “on a school night.”

He laughed, and said, “come on, really? Everyone would kill for tickets to this event. Call in sick the next day. Your husband will not be happy that you turned it down!”

It was my turn to laugh. “My husband would not be happy at such an event.” And I left it at that.

“But you’ll get to wear your tux, have great food, champagne, and dance!”

… like these are things that I would enjoy. He really doesn’t know me. But I remained polite.

I said, “thanks, but we’ll take a pass.”

The response was something like, “but don’t you guys like dressing up and going out for good food, wine, and dancing?”

My reply was simple, “no.”

“Why? I mean, why not?”

Okay, since you asked, “my husband and I do not like or enjoy any of these things. We don’t go out. We hate dressy events; heck, I don’t own a tux and wouldn’t wear one. I usually can’t eat what others call ‘good food,’ and my husband and I don’t drink wine. And dancing? Nope… my husband has a disability and can barely walk, and I am such a klutz that I was voted in high school as ‘least likely to dance anywhere’.”

This time I could tell that the guy to whom I was speaking was stunned. He didn’t know what to say.

I broke the silence by saying, “I know this isn’t what you expected, and I am grateful for your gesture to offer me these tickets. It was very nice of you to think of me by offering this gift. I truly appreciate it. But as you now know, events like this are not what we would consider fun. We’re happy being on the Z-list.”

After a few beats, my friend said, “well, that’s different. All the gay couples I know would love this. You guys are different.”

Yep, that we are.

Summary of story: I shock straight men when they find out that I am gay, and I shock gay men when they find out that I don’t like doing things that other gay men (in certain circles) would love. I’m just different. And that’s fine, because…

Life is short: be confident in being who you are.

5 thoughts on “Shocking a Gay Guy

  1. At some point in time we will all come to see that there is no “script” to our lives. There is no one way to be gay…straight…black…Latino…Asian…you name it. Only when our circle of friends and acquaintances expands to include several people that we may have originally considered as “the other” will we begin to realize this.

  2. Well said, BHD. And, great response, Kevin. Only earlier today was I pondering where I stand in the gay “social scene’ and came away with ” I am, apparently, no longer gay!” I say this in jest, but really, my life is quite sedentary and I can’t imagine the party scene in any other way except a desperate plea of ” we’ve GOT to have fun!” Well, time for bed — happily.

  3. Thank you for this blog entry in particular. Although I enjoy all of your writings, this one is especially useful because of the way you politely, but firmly, declined the invitation. I get those type of invites from time to time and like you, I don’t enjoy them and the inviter often does not seem to want to accept ‘no’ for an answer. But I remain firm. I’ve found some people really are quite clueless that ‘one size does not fit all’ and therefore what they think is a ‘swell’ event, is not in the minds of other people…such as me. In some ways what you encountered is an offshoot of stereotyping and I don’t believe the speaker, or in your case the ‘inviter’, realizes just what kind of restrictive ‘pigeonhole’ thinking they’re engaging in when they speak those words. Again, thanks for this entry and also for giving me ideas about how to handle difficult situations such as this one.

  4. Great blog here. I really get sick of being pigeon-holed too. And nice comments, all.

    From my good friend BHD I have learned to be myself and not to worry what other people think, or to be bothered with “fitting in” to the world’s vision of me. I don’t have an Iphone, I don’t go to parties, the bar scene ended 20 years ago. And I don’t have tattoos, either. I’m proud of who I am, and proud of the bootman I’ve become. Thanks, BHD. Here I am, not waving a flag of any color, thanks to you 🙂

    • Hey love your blog, I’m a masculine guy who’s into other men and I have a thing for boots and uniforms and stumbled onto your blog. I love when people assume. It cracks me up. I learned my lesson years ago to try to avoid that….I love the way you handled the guy wanting you to go to this event…..keep the stories coming, I enjoy them.

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