Gay Cooties

Neanderthal2Term “cooties” definition: “a children’s term for an imaginary germ or repellent quality transmitted by another person.”

I was communicating with a friend the other day, and referred to the term, “gay cooties.” I said that there are still people in this world who react to me as if I had “gay cooties,” withdraw, and keep their distance.

My friend replied to ask, “are there still neanderthals who think that way today?” He asked me to explain more.

I replied thusly:

Yes, to answer your question, I still experience subtle but visible withdrawal by some people when they realize a guy they thought was straight is gay. Finding out that I am gay shakes them up. It comes as a

Usually their reaction is momentary up to a day or a week or so, but some guys remain in the hyper-avoidance mode. Those in particular who have permanently backed away from me are those who I think are most insecure. They put up a big brave badboy front, but inside, they are highly insecure.

BTW, it’s usually these type of guys who have the most tatoos, most tattered (but poor quality) leathers, crappy ill-kept boots, and have the biggest mouths that prattle with a lot of hot air. The ones who verbally oogle women and say crude things, thinking they are funny. The ones who make insensitive remarks about anyone different from expected norm.

Their insecurity may or may not have anything to do with their sexual orientation. Most highly insecure adults I know have many factors leading to their current state of insecurity. They may have struggled in school due to a learning disability, may have been bullied, or may have had a personality disorder — or other things, and likely a combination of these factors.

All add up to someone who doesn’t want to contribute to feeling more insecure about himself, so he backs away from someone whose sudden (to them) “change” frightens them and heightens their insecurity.

So yes, these neanderthals still exist.

What bugs me most is how friendly these guys were — even gave me bro-hugs and slaps on the back — and then when they found out that I am gay — especially by seeing the ring on my finger and asking about my wife only to find out that I have a husband — their shock/surprise/withdrawal reaction is visceral.

I just give them space. Most figure out that they will not “catch” a “gay germ and become gay” because they interact with a gay man. They eventually calm down and return to a more distanced but more regular relationship with me.

A few men do not. And I don’t need those kind in my life.

To reaffirm, there are few neanderthals like these type of men who I encounter where I live, but they still exist. It is what happens when a confident, masculine, Harley-riding man blows their perceptions about what “gay people should be.”

Life is short: I’m all for changing perceptions into a world of a new reality, especially for neanderthals.

One thought on “Gay Cooties

  1. Neanderthals is a very apt description of those sorts of guys, BHD. In this day and age more and more men (and women) have recognized that rewarding friendships can reach across all types of lines and perceptions. Those who haven’t recognized this either haven’t been paying attention or aren’t worth the time you’d spend on them. Most people do merit knowing, but to borrow your words, “A few men do not. And I don’t need those kind in my life.” Sadly for those men, few people do.

    P.S.: the cartoon is great.

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