Many of my blog readers are aware that the state where my fiance and I live now permits same-sex marriage. My partner said, “yes, of course, silly” when I asked him to marry me once we knew that we could get married legally in our state.
We had discussed marrying on the date of our 20th anniversary of the day we met, which is in April. However…
My beloved fiance wants to delay. Let me assure you — there are no problems with our relationship. Once again, it is his health. I cannot describe exactly what these issues are, but it is not his lingering illness that rocked his (and my) world last year. There are physical issues going on. He has to work through them and with his doctors to determine a course of action. Once he figures that out, then we will revisit our plans to set a marriage date.
Thinking about it, we are for all intents and purposes married anyway. We share our lives, have joint finances, own our home together, and have legacy legal documents protecting the other in case something happens. We only think about the other as our lives are rich with a very deep bond of love.
I have learned in all my years of loving this man when to let him think things though and make decisions on his own time frame. I realize that my sense of time and priorities is not — and never has been — the same as his. He is a sequential, logical, well-ordered thinker, and I am a “big picture” thinker with a holistic point of view. I am accustomed to multitasking and prioritizing, while he is a sequential-tasker who resets priorities with what is on his mind at any particular point in time. He is smart and savvy, and is my intellectual equal … but we sure do manage the process of how we set goals and accomplish tasks differently.
For now, the marriage is on hold until my fiance figures out what he needs to do regarding his physical situation and his health. No worries, I will wait. After all, I have been waiting for almost 20 years. What’s another few months?
Another thing: to blow up more social stereotypes — we will not give each other wedding rings. I cannot wear a ring on any finger due to past damage to my fingers that makes wearing a ring impossible. My fiance doesn’t like rings, either. Like me, he does not wear any jewelry of any sort; even a watch. We are figuring out what we may choose as alternatives — such as a ring worn on a nice but subdued chain around our neck. We haven’t really figured this part out yet, so any ideas are welcome.
Life is short: hold out for your one-and-only, and show him how you love him by understanding him well.