Living in Guppyville

I’m surrounded! Aaaaaaaack! Okay, I live in one of the wealthiest counties in the nation. It is easy and comfortable to live and let live, and to be open as a gay couple among your neighbors, or as I do, as a civic leader.

I’m not alone by any means. While there is no formal census, it is clear to me that among the almost-million residents of my county, there are a huge number of LGBT people.

There are also a huge number of yuppies. You know, the guy who thinks he is saving the planet by driving a hybrid vehicle when meanwhile he makes 200K a year working for a conglomeration which buys goods from foreign countries employing 12 year-olds who rip out their own rain forests for raw goods. (I borrowed this reference from the urban dictionary.)

Or the gay guys who are attorneys and buy suits and dress shoes galore from the high-end retailers, getting to-and-fro in their latest new upscale car. Or… whatever, you get my drift.

Combine the two — gay + urban professional = “guppy.” We’ve got so many of them around here that if you laid them all end-to-end, you could probably reach San Francisco with ’em! (Now I divert… who would want to “lay” a guppy? And which end? On top of each other? Would they squeal? I am ROFL!)

Anyway, I received an invitation to yet one more wonderful fundraising dinner-dance, this time to benefit the statewide LGBT non-profit. Okay, it’s a good non-profit organization, and advocates well. Good and hard-working people are affiliated with it. They need to raise funds to keep doing their work. I understand all that.

Their “Spring Formal” (as it were), being held right here in Guppyville, is priced high at $125/person, or more for such wonderful designations as “power couple” for a mere $600. And it goes up from there for various sponsorship levels along with that special “opportunity” to attend the “VIP reception” with the guest speaker du juor.

What wine are these guppies drinking who come up with this?

Actually, I’ve asked, and have been assured that they do quite well in appealing to the “cocktail-attire” guppy-set of my home county, and raise a lot of funds with this event.

Well, more power to them. It isn’t going to include us. Too rich for my blood (well, the “ask” is too high for us to feel comfortable with. We have other priorities). We will continue to make a modest charitable donation directly to them, and bypass all the froo-froo.

Also, the event is on a Sunday night — starting at 6pm for the wonderful pre-event “VIP Reception” followed by a “silent auction” then the dinner with speeches by TBD and award-winners, then dancing to music played by an unknown DJ following. My partner and I get up at 4-in-the-morning for work the next day… but apparently the guppy-set doesn’t rise early, or as early as we do. Or lives on less sleep. Or will take the next day off work… or a combination thereof.

Oh puh-leeze, gimme a break. Marketing to guppies has never resonated in our household. And it never will. We’re just not part of that set, and feel ill-at-ease and uncomfortable around it.

The night of that event will be late Spring, so hopefully the weather will be decent enough that my partner and I can enjoy a nice meal at our favorite place to eat out, “Deckview, Maryland.” We will grill a couple of steaks, bake some potatoes, whip up a garden salad, pop open a couple of Coke Zeros, and sit back to watch the sun gently set on our trees while we are dressed in blue jeans and boots. That’s our style, and our comfort level. The peace and quiet will also be appreciated, too.

One thought on “Living in Guppyville

  1. Oh! What a delightfully written piece, all the while brandishing your guppy tail until the twist in the end when I realised you were actually writing about a pair of g-old fish. Heh heh heh… Nice!

Comments are closed.