For very sad reasons, I am taking time off from blogging. My spouse got really bad news about his mother. I have returned to…
…his former home where his Mom lives to be by his side. We have to set up end-of-life care.
Kind of a shock in a way to have this news, but it is what it is, and we will make his mother as comfortable and cared for as we can.
I recall on September 11, 1998, when I was at the apartment of my “then-partner” (now spouse). He lived in Virginia at the time. It was a Friday. We were planning to have dinner and a nice evening at his place.
I called my mother as I usually did each day to check in, say hello and “I love you.” There was no answer.
I thought she may have been on the toilet, so I waited about a half-hour and tried calling again. No answer.
I became worried. I called my sister who lived closest — no answer, but I left a message. I asked my spouse to drive me to my mother’s home right away. Through dense and difficult traffic (Friday night slog hours on the Beltway), we made it to my Mom’s home.
When we got there, my sister was there and the look on her face told me what I didn’t want to know. Our Mom had died of a cardiac arrest, peacefully at home, in her usual chair in the den. She had the plans for the house I was building on her lap.
I was in shock. More calls were made. The rest of the family descended on my Mom’s condo. Then the police came. They have to respond when someone dies alone. They called the coroner who pronounced death, officially.
I don’t remember very much from that night other than knowing that my “then-partner” (now spouse) was right by my side. He was there to console and comfort me, hold me, let me scream and cry, wail, and express my emotions.
He was a rock. He didn’t shed a tear until the next day when we found a note where my Mom had expressed in writing who she wanted to have as pallbearers at her funeral. Of all of her sons-in-law, she chose only my “then-partner” (now spouse) to join three of my brothers, her oldest grandson, and me to carry her coffin. That made quite a statement that she not only accepted, but loved, my “then partner” (now spouse) and that my family should “get over” any issues they may have had with a same-sex relationship that I was in.
Now it is my time to be by the side of my spouse as we have to make very difficult decisions and deal with the emotions of death and to provide my mother-in-law as much dignity and comfort as we can.
I will not have access to this blog while I am with my spouse at his Mom’s home, so for now, it’s “ciao”. Wish us peace and strength. No worries, she is prepared physically and financially, but there is only so much preparation one can do emotionally to prepare for death.
Promise me something… if your mother or father are still alive, pay them a visit or give them a call. Say, “I love you” and remember that…
Life is short: show those you love how you love them … each and every.single.day.